Dad Jeans:A Dilemma

I have reached an age where I need to be very cautious about my clothing purchases/choices. I'm not quite at the point where the "Sansabelt" slacks (that word is nearly as bad as the word moist) are all that hang in my closet and by law, when worn, are hiked up such that they rest just slightly below my manboobs. Nope, not quite there. Conversely, I am not at an age where my clothes, my jeans, in particular, must reflect a philosophy (they need not be made of hemp) or a brand favored by One Direction and their ilk. So what's a middle-aged dad / grandfather to do when he walks out of the house looking like this:

Yep, I looked in the mirror and saw a Mittite

Indeed, as I left the house a few weeks ago for a date with the stunningly patient and mighty fine SML, I saw a Mittite in Dad/Grandpa Jeans staring back at me in the reflection. This was unsettling, to say the least, because I felt the sudden urge to deny the access to decent healthcare to any and all around me. Clearly, something had to be done. Salvation came in the form of a new pair of Levi 501's. You can't go wrong with a classic with one minor quibble.

The button fly. I forgot about this feature of the 501's. When I was younger running around in 501's, I never gave that piece of functionality a thought. Now, solidly middle-aged, the button fly is just an annoyance. A First World Problem to be sure, but an annoyance just the same. I'll defer the stories as to why for later. Or maybe never. That's probably wise. Now to do something about my loafers....