21 January 2016


Hysteria, thy name is Winter Storm Jonas.

Not familiar with Jonas, are you? Then you mustn't live on or near the East Coast, or if you're smart, you've elected to NOT watch television. For those of you familiar with television, you know that right now, it's all Jonas all the time for us denizens of the East Coast. It's DefCon 5 or maximum hysteria for the local weather prognosticators. Even here in the 'Stan, where we aren't expected to take the spanking that say Washington DC is predicted to get, it's RED ALERT, people, RED ALERT. Call me a hater but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's a bit of hyperbolic overkill.

This hysteria that always seems to accompany these 'storm of the century' events kills me. Are we so ill-prepared as a nation that the threat of being indoors for a day, maybe two, requires the absolute obliteration of the neighborhood grocery store? Are you really going to make that many sandwiches over the course of 24 or 48 hours that every bit of bread is gone from the shelves? Do you really need a pallet of bottled water to get you through those two days? It's not like this nation is some kind of Third World country, although for anyone who's ever flown through LaGuardia you may disagree. Who in this country is going to the market each and every day to buy that day's sustenance? Pretty much no one and yet, once again, panicked people are launching assaults on the Piggly Wiggly as if they were a Kardashian who was told there was free money on the other side of a brick wall. You'd be a fool to get in the way, right?

One day we'll learn to deal with these things. Keep some food and other necessities around and you can avoid all this madness. As for me and my house, we're ready for the terrifying specter of three inches of snow. I've got plenty of Coke Zero, a snow shovel, and an environmentally offensive 4-wheel drive GMC Yukon. So no hysteria here. Although, I may need these to sustain me through the storm:

So keep calm, my friends, and enjoy the snow.

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