Patience, runner, patience

Never in my more than 40-plus years on this planet did I ever consider that I'd be at a stage where I was called a runner or even wanted to be a runner. That changed last year, in early 2008, when I grew weary of being described as the "stocky American" at conferences I would speak at in different parts of the world. The fact that I probably needed a "bro" didn't help either. Anyway, if you've kept up with the blog, you know that I've chronicled some of the experiences I've had as I've tried to become a runner or even grow into the "runner" label.

The fact is that I fell hard for running (and this will be a surprise to a good friend back in SoCal who watched me wheeze like someone racked with emphsyema while trying to run with him on more than one occasion). I was shocked at how good it made me feel. I loved how good it felt to be outside, particularly for the few months here in Chicagoland that allow you to be outside without eighty-six layers of thermonuclear industrial strength warming gear. So when did I start thinking I might be a runner? Was it when I started scheduling my runs to insure that I'd get them in? Was it when I used my lunch breaks to get in a couple of miles? Or maybe when I started subscribing to "Runners World" and devoured each issue.
Perhaps it was when I replaced my "Simpsons" wallpaper on my laptop with some boss wallpaper, like the one on the left, from "Runners World" that it was a sign I was becoming a runner. I love this one in particular because I did this run in Sydney last year. Maybe it was the wild euphoria I felt when I finished my first 5K (getting the greatest race t-shirt ever), coupled with the irritation that I didn't do as well as I wanted and I knew I had to sign up for another one - fast.

After that first 5K, I knew I wanted to keep running but I wasn't thinking marathons. Nor sure I'll ever run one and I don't think I have to to be considered a runner. I was happy with the goals I'd set for myself. I ran five 5K's last year and as 2009 dawned, I was aiming for my first 10K. And then I literally fell hard running. And the running became difficult and painful. And then by order of el medico, the running stopped.

Until this past Monday when I got to run again. El medico made it perfectly clear that I had to start easy, very, very easy. Recognizing that I'm not twenty anymore and in peak physical shape, although I'm probably in better shape now than I was then, I am taking his guidance to heart. So Monday it was just a mile. It felt so good. But when I stopped and saw my performance on my Nike+, I was disheartened. Nearly a minute added to my mile time. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. And more ugh. I've told myself that it was OK and would get better. And that's what I'm working on. Improving. I've gotten a couple of more runs in, adding about 10% more distance each time. Times are coming down but not where I'd like them to be but I realize I've got to be patient. I realize it's going to take some time to get back to normal. I can't let it frustrate me. I'm going to get my first 10K in by summer's end. I'm lining up my training now. I just have to get through this hurdle. I'm on it.

Hail holy...queen?

I'm the first to admit that I have a fairly tortured relationship with YouTube. Mostly, it drives me nuts. It seems to be a repository of delusions and borderline insanity. It fascinates me, no, galls me, that they'll scrub it like there's no tomorrow for possible copyright infringement, but don't seem to have a problem letting borderline porn and other reprehensible garbage flow like there's no tomorrow. Who are they protecting? Anyway, when you do finally find something you want to share, more likely than not, the ability to embed has been locked down under the guise of "by request." I won't go on a tear about that because this afternoon, I happened on to something that has had me laughing like no tomorrow. This may be one of the funniest.things.ever.

"Hail Holy Queen." Seriously. As choreographed by a slew of Filipino prison inmates in the prison yard. With two dudes in drag - full habit, no less. It brings a whole new meaning to "Hail Holy Queen." This just kills me. Can you imagine a bunch of inmates at San Quentin putting a show like this on in the yard? Or maybe down in Angola in Louisiana? I think not. Where this might have legs, and high-kicking ones at that, is one of the outdoor tent prisons in Maricopa County, AZ...Sheriff Joe Arpaio would like this. His tactics are another reminder of why I'm glad we packed the moving van and moved from AZ so many years ago.

Anyway, hope you get a kick out of the prison dance team. They're killing me!

Bacon...don't let swine flu get you down

Can I just tell you how DONE I am with swine flu? While I am pleased to report that no one I know is afflicted (and frankly given all the time I've spent in some of the swine "hot" zones, I'm probably ripe for it), I am up to my ears in swine flu at work. It started last Friday afternoon with some e-mail exchanges with some peers and then it quite literally erupted Sunday afternoon as soon as I got home from Church. Stupid 'berry full of emails and voicemails. I didn't even get a chance to change out of my church-going finery. It was straight into the home office, dinner in hand, to work the issues. It was obvious too that my Monday work at home day was done too.

So in I went this morning. Again, all day on calls, meetings with colleagues across the globe, working the issues and our responses and providing employee assistance. It's been a lovely day. And now that the WHO has decided to essentially call it a pandemic, now tomorrow will be super-not-fun.

Now I am very sorry about those people that have gotten sick and died from the influenza. That's no good. I am, however, also concerned about the impact that this is having on the most wonderful of all things pork, bacon. I love bacon. Is there nothing it can't cure?

I think we can for the most part agree that bacon is awesome. And now, it is being sullied something awful by swine flu. There is no way you can get swine flu from eating bacon. You simply can't. I would argue that the more time you spend eating bacon, the less time you are out in the sneezy, contagious public - hence lessening chances of getting some ailment. Of course, you're probably ripe for some other ailment but that's another story. In scouring the web for all things bacon, I've discovered blogs dedicated to its glory and goodness; bacon bras (I'm not kidding about that - I wish I was); bacon photo galleries; just plain goodness. This gem took the top spot:
I'd floss 40 times a day!

Who needs mint-flavored floss when there's this? Good grief - this eliminates any excuse for not flossing! See...it's like I said, is there nothing bacon can't cure? Well, this much I know, bacon's been through it before, and it will survive this brush with infamy as well.

I feel a Mileage Run coming on

I'd love to say that what I'm feeling is the desire to get in some serious miles running. The truth is that I'd love to run again but I'm still under the running ban until the first week of May, which is killing me, as the weather has finally turned great here in Chicagoland. I saw one of my buddies running today around noon and I was jealous to the point of coveting the ability to run. Rather than wallow in covetousness, I figured I should focus on something else. Like a mileage run.

Anyway, the mileage run I refer to is one that will only require running through airports. In the airline industry's collective stupidity to stimulate traffic, several carriers have offered double- and triple-Elite mileage qualifying schemes that are good through the middle of June. While there's plenty of ways to define a mileage run, the way I see it is getting as many segments with the most miles for the least amount of money possible in a fairly short amount of time. Wikipedia does a more eloquent job of defining a mileage run if you are so inclined. I need to shore up my status on United for 2010 and with all the travel cutbacks at work, I don't see it happening through business travel. So I need to find a few places to get to on the cheap, adding up as many segments as I can. I need to add a few more lines to this map:
Or this one:

So that's my quest. Suggestions are welcome. It doesn't need to be an international destination per se. If you've had any luck with a mileage run, let me know.