My Movie Madness

Hide your eyes!

In a recent post, I gave you a recap of the travesty that is my musical history - a list of the #1 songs on my birthday since I was born.  It was an ugly list.  That got me thinking about the movies that were #1 on or around my birthday. Once again, thanks to the font of all things true on the interwebs, Wikipedia, I found the list.  It's not pretty.  I don't know what horrible entertainment karma cloud I was born under, but see the list below to get an idea -

• 1966 - "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" - based on the epic amount of alcohol consumed onscreen, not alcoholism
• 1967 - "Bonnie & Clyde" - we got a big glimpse of the enormous crazy to come from Faye Dunaway (see 'Mommie Dearest')
• 1968 - "Funny Girl" - there was a funny girl?
• 1969 - "The Trouble with Girls" - an Elvis Presley train wreck that should have been called "The Trouble with My Career"
• 1970 - "Five Easy Pieces" - I got nothin'
• 1971 - "Kotch" - not an early bio-pic of former NYC Mayor Ed Koch, rather it was a warm-up to Walter Matthau's penchant for playing grumpy old men
• 1972 - "Deliverance" - the mere twang of the banjo from this film sends men spiraling into a chasm of their deepest fears.  This film destroyed Ozark tourism for years.  And yet, we still have Branson...
• 1973 - "American Graffiti" - this featured Suzanne Somers in a non-speaking role.  If only it had stayed that way...
• 1974 - "Chinatown" - Jack Nicholson.  More crazy from Faye Dunaway.  Roman Polanksi.  This explains the whole slicing of the nose thing
• 1975 - "Jaws" - I still remember seeing this at the drive-in on Thomas Road.  I still hear my mother screaming hysterically.
• 1976 - "The Front" - Another one where I got nothin'
• 1977 - "Star Wars Episode IV:A New Hope" - no, it's called Star Wars.  Send an Imperial Soldier to lightsaber me to death for calling it Star Wars.
• 1978 - "Grease" - peppy songs to teach your daughter that if she wants to be accepted, she needs to turn into a skank.  Lovely.
• 1979 - "Apocalypse Now" - do you think the guy really loved the smell of napalm in the morning?
• 1980 - "Ordinary People" - there was no tossing of the beret, happy-go-lucky Mary Tyler Moore to be seen here.  Instead, one icy mean mommy. 
• 1981 - "Continental Divide" - in a word, awful
• 1982 - "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" - by law and imperial decree, no bad can be spoken on this film, apparently
• 1983 - "Mr. Mom" - this did nothing for working mothers and it foisted Ann Jillian upon us.  Inexcusable.
• 1984 - "All of Me" - two amazing comics, Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin, make for one awful movie
• 1985 - "Back to the Future"- it takes a very funny movie to make the Oedipal complex entertaining
• 1986 - "Top Gun" - was this a recruiting film?  For the Navy?  For Scientology?  I'm just glad I was on my mission and didn't have to pay full price to see this mess
• 1987 - "Fatal Attraction" - the poor rabbit...
• 1988 - "A Fish Called Wanda" - One of the most brilliant movies ever made.  We drove other moviegoers out of the theater in Orem, UT when we saw this from how hard we were laughing.
• 1989 - "Sea of Love" - this sea should have been dammed by angry beavers
• 1990 - "Goodfellas" - Ladies and Gentlemen, Joe Pesci and his rug...
• 1991 - "Freddy's Dead:The Final Nightmare" - if only these tools knew what the word 'final' meant
• 1992 - "Sneakers" - Again, with the I got nothin'
• 1993 - "Striking Distance" - striking them is what audiences felt like doing to the two stars, Bruce Willis and Sarah Jessica Parker, after seeing this
• 1994 - "Timecop" - Jean Claude van Damme.  Someone please call a cop, a timecop, any cop and have Jean Claude stopped.  A grateful nation thanks you
• 1995 - "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" - Wesley Snipes.  Worst tranny ever.
• 1996 - "The First Wives Club" - no wonder the husbands left
• 1997 - "In & Out" - so not about the history of the best burger place on the planet.  Consider yourselves warned
• 1998 - "Rush Hour" - Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan?  Annoying, yes, but funny
• 1999 - "Blue Streak" - 'streak' describes the pace at which Martin Lawrence's career sank
• 2000 - "The Watcher" - Keanu Reeves.  Means it was a no-watcher
• 2001 - "Hardball" - another Keanu film.  This times he's coaching baseball in Cabrini Green.  Oh, it's a fantasy film
• 2002 - "Barbershop" - man, another one where I got nothin'
• 2003 - "Underworld" - why, oh why, didn't it stay put in the underworld?  Why?
• 2004 - "Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow" - I think this was in heavy rotation on the plane.  Which means it's unwatchable
• 2005 - "Just Like Heaven" - actually titled 'Just Like Hell' because that's where you feel like you are watching this
• 2006 - "Jackass #2" - second funniest movie on this list
• 2007 - "Resident Evil:Extinction" - 'Extinction' means that you are gone for good and yet, we still have more of these movies.  Can someone get the producers a dictionary?
• 2008 - "Lakeview Terrace" - this keeps happening, but I got nothin'.  I told you that this list was worse than the music one
• 2009 - "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" - you're kidding, right?  Of all the family films ever made, this is the one that's #1 around my birthday.  Entertainment karma hates me
• 2010 - "The Town" - turns out 'The Town' is the name of the place where Affleck keeps his toupees
• 2011 - "The Lion King (in 3D)" - nothing like the Disney killing machine reissuing a film to take advantage of an already tired trend (3D)

One big difference in this list and the music list.  I've not seen a lot of these films and didn't remember a lot of them.  The music list was far more memorable and visceral.  Goes to show you just how powerful music is.