13 May 2016

You had one job

A couple of days ago, at the end of my work day, I mowed the lawn. That's normally a Saturday chore, but last week we had what seemed like seven straight days of rain and last Saturday was one of those water-logged days. So I didn't get a chance to tackle the lawn until earlier this week. (Side note - if the literal swarm of gnats and biting noseeums that used me a veritable buffet are any indication of what's to come here in the 'Stan this spring and summer, it is going to be hellacious. Hellacious.) Maybe it was the loss of blood from the bug attacks, but once I was done with the lawn, I was craving two - not one, not three, just two - slices of pizza. We had no pizza in the house and I really didn't have it in me to thaw out some of the pizza dough the stunningly patient and mighty fine SML has on hand and make one. So I thought I'd go pick up a couple of slices in town. This would prove to be a mistake.

It's important to note that it was 530PM. It was not 1130PM or even 1000PM, when the street lights in our 'hood go from fully functioning to a simple flashing yellow light. So we've established that it was normal business hours. I went to our local deli / open mic night talent train wreck emporium. They are always good for a couple of slices of pizza. A few patrons were seated outside but it looked a little dark inside but I saw the pizza oven was still aglow. As I walked in, I was told they were closed. I pointed out the door was open. I was told again, 'We're closed.' So I thought maybe it was just a brief thing (like transition from lunch service to dinner service). I asked if they would be opening soon and I was told, 'Yeah, tomorrow.' Shaking my head, I walked out, recognizing that the place can be a little quirky, but still...

With my quench for two slices of pizza unfulfilled, I remembered that there was a pizza place right around the corner. We'd never tried there pizza but I figured I'd give it a go. I walked over and went in. I could see one man working diligently on a couple of pizzas in the open kitchen. The menu proudly proclaimed that it sells pizza by the slice. I should also point out that I was the lone customer.   So I went straight to the counter and the following went down:

Truculent Pizza Lady (TPL): Yes?
Me: I'd like two slices of pepperoni pizza to go, please.
TPL: No.
Me: I'm sorry?
TPL: No, no slices.
Me: What? There's several pizzas right there. (I could see them under the ever inviting warming lights.)
TPL: Slices only at lunch. No slices.
Me: You're serious?
TPL: No slices.

I spun on my heel and walked out. TPL, you had one job. One job - simply selling a couple slices of pizza. The request was not to make a gluten-free, vegan, no animals were harmed in the making, kosher pizza. It was two slices of pizza. You had one job and it went horribly wrong.

P.S. - The good news was that the next day I was in the City and my pizza desire was successfully sated.

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