The Doorbell - A Rememberance

Fare thee, well.

A long-serving doorbell suffered an ignominious death today at the hands of its archenemy, the ill-prepared husband with a long "honey do" list.  It should have been a pain-free retirement event for the doorbell.  He was being retired after years of faithful service.  His replacement, an eager new design doorbell, was ready to serve.  The tragedy unfolded rapidly as the ill-prepared husband learned he had to drill into the door jam in order to make room the new doorbell.  The ill-prepared husband confidently made his first contact with the power drill and it went fine.  This led to a state of overconfidence and within seconds, tragedy ensued.  One of the trusty wires that had for many years powered the old doorbell was suddenly ensnared in the spinning drill bit.  That 5/8 inch bit was unrelenting in its rapid assault on the faithful bell.  Its wiring torn to bits, the last tragic cries of the doorbell were imperceptible.  The cries of frustration of the ill-prepared husband drowned out everything else.  We mourn the loss of the doorbell today.

When will I learn that I have no business handling power tools?  Seriously?  I killed a doorbell in less than two seconds today.  It should have been so easy.  Really.  Easy.  But it wasn't.  I'm still shocked (no pun intended) that I wasn't somehow electrocuted.  I have to go now.  I need to go put a Post-It over the dead doorbell.  May it rest in peace...

Sprucing up the den

I feel like the den has needed to be wrapped in CAUTION tape over the course of the last few days as I've tinkered with the look and, dare I say it, theme of the den.  It's been a bit of a challenge to get it where I wanted (the button creation liked to have killed me), but I think it's pretty much there.  Initially, when thinking about the theme, I really wanted to find an image of the den in this house:

If you don't recognize this house, I can only surmise that you were raised by wolves.

I thought that the den of an architect who designed a house for a perpetually blissful blended family of eight and their live-in maid with no working toilets would make for interesting conversational fodder.  But no workable image of the den was to be found.  So, the sofa theme made sense.  Feel free to grab a sofa button and post it!

I'm a little hesitant to use the word "theme."  You see, my mother was, and still is, the Queen of Themes.  This theme obsession of hers only makes her more awesome.  Anyway, there was not an event growing up that wasn't themed.  Nothing.  As an example, when I went on my mission, the Mission Farewell and Open House was second only to a wedding in its production values and associated hysteria.  Mine was no different.  Since I'd been called to serve in Florida, oranges (Editorial Aside - I'm still kind of surprised that Anita Bryant didn't make an appearance.) played a significant role in the invitations (yep, invitations were mailed out).  At the Open House itself, the theme continued with the alligator-shaped bread centerpiece.  I kid you not.  All I can say is, God bless President Hinckley for putting the kill order on the farewell/open house shenanigans.  I think Mom finally stopped asking me for theme ideas several years ago when she asked me how she could incorporate lemons into her Relief Society lesson on service.  Feeling a tad testy that day, I shot back with the following: "Mom, how about this?  Service is like a lemon.  It sucks."  It was not my finest hour and certainly not a reflection of my true feelings towards service.  I promise.

My paying job gives me the opportunity to be a part of my Company's work with non-profit organizations across the United States.  I am in awe of what people across this country are trying to do for their fellowman and for the planet on which we live.  It's actually hopeful and inspiring.  I saw some of the fruits of that labor last night at a dinner.  Four of the most well-spoken fourth grade girls I've ever heard spoke to the assembled crowd about their goals and the association that was hosting the dinner had helped them.  There are so many people of different backgrounds, faiths, and colors that are doing good in the world today.  No one group owns the keys to doing good.  We all have an opportunity to do good in this world.  So let's go do something good.

The MixPost - a play on the mixtape

For many of us of a certain age/generation, the mixtape was a rite of passage.  Especially the first one you made.  If you were like me, you cast aside any homework you had to concentrate on creating the perfect mixtape.  Hours were spent in "mixing" the songs that would express what your awkward teen-age self could not.  In short, mix tapes were awesome.  And ridiculous.  But, I would venture to guess that if you ever got one, you still have it.  I stand guilty as charged.  Of course, I have no way of playing it since all we have are CD players but that is neither here nor there.

Tonight, I give you a mixpost, a play on the mixtape in a few lines:

"Beethoven (I Love to Listen)" because it helps me relax.  Relaxing is good in a world where "Everybody Wants to Rule the World."  And when I think about that, I get so cranky that I am no longer "This Charming Man" and "I Hate Everything."  The fact is "People are People" and we'd all be better off if we tried to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."  At least that's what my Dad tried to teach me.

When I think of my Dad, I can't help but think of my own family.  I think of my oldest and how she tries to bring "Honor to Us All."  I think of CAL and her own "Private Idaho" that she'll soon be creating as she goes off to university.  And then there's the Boy, our own "King Without a Crown."  He really does rule his own world and it looks like it would be a pretty awesome place to be.  I'm glad all three of them have learned to "Dream Big." Then there's the stunningly patient and mighty fine SML.  To this day, she still leaves me "Breathless" and I know I must have done "Something Right" to have the life I have with her.  I'm dang glad that "She Sees a Diamond" in me, even after nearly twenty-three years.  Ours is a "Love Without End, Amen."

So I'm a lucky man, not one "Born of Frustration."  I've spent more than "One Night in Bangkok" but I've not been "Across the Universe" and I haven't stayed in the "Hotel California."  Yet I have been to five continents, where I've listened to "Russian Radio," "Mexican Radio," and even a "Bohemian Rhapsody."  We've flipped a coin and said "Heads Carolina, Tails California" and wound up in Chicago so I could earn a little more "Legal Tender" and five years later, we are still "Holding On To Good."  The Chicago "Rush Hour" still pales in comparison to what we faced in SoCal and it's not bad driving it in the "Avalon," not a "Cadillac Car."  It's a "Simple Kind of Life," I guess.

To remember it all, "Every Day, I Write the Book," or the blog.  That way, when I'm old and that's coming faster than I'd like because I can't be "Forever Young," I can read this stuff and say, "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" and that it was "More Than a Feeling."  It was "Good Stuff."  So "Stop Your Fussin'" and "Come Back and Stay" and enjoy your time in the Den.

And there you have it, the mixpost.  Try and figure out who sang what.  I don't have anything cool to give away if you name them all but go for it!  Enjoy!

YouTube's Uses - A word of caution

If the modern interweb has taught us anything, it's taught us that YouTube is a veritable mine field of, well, steaming garbage.  It's a treasure trove of lip-synching narcissism, and that's being kind, and a haven for people of all stripes who would do a lot better if they just left their dark, dingy rooms every once in awhile.

YouTube does have its intuitive moments.  Like when it comes to medical procedures.  If you are having to schedule a medical procedure of any kind, simply enter the procedure into the YouTube search bar, and for better or worse, you'll know what's coming your way.  I did that in advance of a procedure I had today and after watching one of the videos of the procedures, I was in full dread mode.  So  you may want to rethink getting sneak preview of any upcoming invasive procedures.  Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

By order of the stunningly patient and mighty fine SML, I am not at liberty to discuss the nature of the procedure.  This is, for the most part, a family-friendly blog, and she fears that my inability to censor myself would turn this blog into an R-rated bonanza, were I to discuss today's shenanigans.  So, being the good husband that I strive to be, I will honor her request/edict and refrain.  She gets all kinds of points for being my "wingman" though today.  She's some kind of awesome.

Anyway, I'll say this, that Valium makes everything better.  This is not an endorsement of prescription drug debauchery.  All it took was one.  Although it's done nothing to assuage my sadness over the fact that the CowBros got tossed off "The Amazing Race" last night.  Not cool to see them go.  Not cool at all.