15 December 2015

On Florida Coming Back Into My Life

Late last night, my second-born, the lovely CAL posted the following on the Interwebs:

"I am so happy to finally announce that in just a few short weeks I will be making my way to Florida to begin my internship at All Children's Hospital as a Child Life Specialist. I am so excited for this opportunity and cannot wait for this new adventure!"

Excited doesn't begin to cover it! She has worked so.very.hard to get to this point and this opportunity at All Children's is amazing. This is the first step in securing full-time employment for her and training at a Johns Hopkins-affiliated hospital is some top-notch stuff. The process of securing this internship has been a massive lesson in patience for her, no thanks to the actions of a middling bureaucrat at her university. Suffice to say, I can't even get into it about this person's actions at this point other than to say even JoJo the Dog-Faced Boy would say they were terminable offenses. Maybe when my rage comes off DefCon 5, I'll be able to speak of it...

So my girl is moving to Flo-Ri-Duh. I never suspected that this state would come back into my life in the way it is now. As has been well documented here, I spent two amazing years in South America South Florida as an LDS missionary during the coke-fueled, Cuban boat people, Nicaraguan refugee, 'Miami Vice' years in the 1980's. I loved those two years and the people and I loved the crazy that is the state of Florida. That said, I never envisioned one of my children would be calling it 'home.' Yet, here we are.

When we were in Tampa / St. Pete for Thanksgiving trying to find CAL a place to live, I tried to give her a feel for life in the state that none other than Homer J. Simpson called "America's wang." As we explored the area, each time she or her mother would point out something that seemed a lot little off, I would just shrug and say, "Yeah, well that's Florida." To give her a little more color, I share the following insights (jokes) about Florida from Jack Donaghy (shame on you if you have to ask who Jack is):

But Central Florida is dominated by Jewish retirees, serial killers, and secretly gay Disney princes.

It's a combination of elderly shut-ins, beach bums, bus passengers who run out of money, swamp people, and pirates.

Have you ever been to Florida? It's basically a prison population. It's America's Australia!

Jack nails it, as always. While Jackie D is fictional and his comments about Florida may seem absurd, there is an amazing Twitter account that proves that, indeed, truth is stranger than fiction. I give you @_FloridaMan  

Florida Man Gets Lost at Sea While Riding Jet-Ski, Snapchats
Florida Man Surrenders Marijuana Crop to Police Chopper, Later Learns It Wasn't Looking for Him
Florida Man Caught Driving Cadillac Naked at 110MPH in the Middle of the Afternoon
Florida Man chokes to death while eating steak during his birthday

And then there is this gem, which is my current favorite:

Florida Man Hides from Deputies in Swamp, Eaten by Alligator

Yeah, that one pretty much sums it up. I'm excited that my girl will get to experience the madness. But I'm even more excited for all that she's going to learn as she works with her patients, children that are facing battles I can't even begin to imagine. She's going to help them fight.

I am one proud dad.

No comments: